Let's end the year well! Time to make some end of year resolutions!
Posted by T.J. Mousetis on Friday, September 18, 2015
Am I Doing Enough?
I probably ask myself this question everyday and depending on my mood, feeling and general emotional state I have different answers.
Sometimes I believe I am and I feel like this...
And then there are days where I feel more like this....
Lately I have been asking this question about all areas of my life.
Am I doing enough at work?
Am I doing enough for Brooke?
Am I doing enough for June?
Am I doing enough to stay healthy and not gain 300 lbs because of my love for cheese?
Am I doing enough for people who are suffering?
Am I doing enough for my church?
Am I doing enough for Jesus?
Honestly, sometimes the answer is No.
I think we live in a feel-good, blow-smoke-up-your-butt, everyone is a winner society and most people would say,
"Oh of course you are doing enough. Everyone is a winner! Here is a participation trophy."
But sometimes the answer is just no! No, you aren't doing enough so step it up. Get your lazy butt off your chip covered couch and go out and make it happen! Stop telling people about all the "dreaming" you've been doing lately and just start actually living.
Below I will answer the questions I asked above. Some of you will read this and think, Yes I am doing enough. Good for you! Keep it up! Some of you will feel convicted and instead of getting mad at me for calling you out use it as a launching pad to get going in the right direction! This post does not exist to make you feel guilty. I hope it inspires you and gives you the kick in the butt wake up call you might need!
Are you doing enough at work? -Do you do things without being told? Are you working as hard as you can or just doing the bare minimum? Are you making the most of everyday or just clock watching till you can go home?
Are you doing enough for your spouse? - If there are dishes in the sink or trash that can be taken out then the answer is probably no.
Are you doing enough for your kids? - Are you spending time with them without a screen? Are you teaching them the things that they should learn from a parent? Are you being an example in all areas of life because THEY ARE WATCHING YOU!
Are you doing enough to stay healthy? - Put down the extra cheese filled dough ball and WALK AWAY and while you are walking away, open the door and walk outside for a mile, maybe two.
Am I doing enough for people who are suffering? - My guess is that you have a few extra bucks you can donate to some awesome ministries that are saving lives all over the world. It's hard to actually be hands on in this regard if you have other responsibilities, but you can help with your money. Here are some organizations doing awesome things for people suffering around the world - Compassion International + Samaritans Purse
Am I doing enough for my church? - If you haven't volunteered for anything then NO! Get off your butt, take time out of your schedule and serve somewhere. Pass out communion, direct traffic, sweep the sidewalk, lead high schoolers, just do something!
Am I doing enough for Jesus? - I struggle with this question because I sometimes feel like I should be preaching the gospel to anyone and everyone, but as I fall more in love with Jesus I have realized something. He wants you where you are to do all you can for Him. Sometimes that will be on a stage in front of thousands and sometimes it will be in an office in front of one or two people. You can do enough for Jesus wherever you are. Just listen, obey and when He calls - act.
Here is the ultimate test to see if you are doing enough....
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:23-24
If you can, in your heart of hearts, say yes to living by that verse than you are. Work hard for the Lord in whatever you do!
One Night Only
The other day while I was washing the dishes I was listening to my current favorite pastor Levi Lusko present the gospel for his "pop-up church" called Skull Church. Skull Church is a 1-4 night event where Levi and his team set up shop and spend a night worshipping and challenging people to take the step of faith and trust in Jesus. It's kind of like the famous crusades of Billy Graham... just with more tattoos.
While standing in my kitchen I kept thinking to myself, "I think I could do this?! Organize an event for people to worship and challenge themselves - For God to work in peoples hearts..." I couldn't kick the thought, so I decided I would take the first few steps of faith and see if I could organize said event. A few e-mails later, to some wonderful, passionate people, and just like that, it's going to happen.
I believe that even if God brings just one person to knowing Him, that any amount of our time, energy and money is worth it. We have picked a date and a venue and now all we need is people. People God is crying out to, people in your life who who might not come to church but might join you for a one night only event. People who God keeps putting on your heart. We need you to invite them, pray that they come and pray that God can use ordinary words to do extraordinary things.
Here are the details:
ONE NIGHT ONLY
WHEN : October 27, 2015
WHAT TIME : 7PM
WHERE : 1875 Junction Rd, Manheim, PA 17545
What can God do with one night?
Use this image to post on your Facebook, Twitter or Instagram to help spread the word!
We created a Facebook Page for the Event and would love to know if you are going - One Night Only Facebook Page
10 Hard Steps to An Awesome Marriage (That are totally worth it)
I have an awesome marriage. I love waking up and living everyday next to my beautiful wife, Brooke. She is amazing. My parents always comment on how our marriage is so strong. They are sometimes shocked by how easy we make it look. After I wrote the post on June's birth and all it taught me I started seeing comments pop up how the love Brooke and I have for each other is inspiring. I appreciate all the love that post has received and instead of just saying thanks and moving on I thought I would share some marriage tips and how we love each other so well. This list is by no means exhaustive and marriage will take way more than 10 steps to be awesome, but hopefully this can be a launching pad to get you going in the right direction.
Here are my ten hard steps to an awesome marriage (that are totally worth it):
1. Realizing your spouse will not fix you.
If you have problems your spouse is not going to fix them. Marriage will actually just bring all those problems to the surface. If you have problems with intimacy you won't all of a sudden be cured the second you say. "I do." If you are addicted to porn the day before you are married you will be addicted to porn the day after you are married. If you aren't patient, you won't all of a sudden have the patience of a saint. Your spouse won't be able to fix those or any other problems you have. Only falling into the arms of Jesus and following Him will fix those issues and putting them on your spouse to fix is like putting your spouse on the cross instead of Christ. Only Jesus has the power to defeat sin and death and only He can help you fix your sin and death. Do not expect your spouse to fix your problems.
2. Realizing you will not fix your spouse.
On the flip side we sometimes think that all the things we don't like about our fiancee will disappear when they become our husband or wife. We think that we will be able to make "subtle" suggestions on how to change those things. Well, most of the time those "subtle" suggestions don't work and then we start making obvious suggestions and then we are fighting about things we thought would be so easy to change. When you say yes to marriage you are saying yes to all the wonderful things about your spouse but you are also saying yes to all the annoying things your spouse does. Most likely you will have to live with some of those things till death do you part and if you can't, THEN DON'T MARRY THAT PERSON!
Things I do that annoy the snot out of Brooke (that I am trying to work on)
- Watch too much TV
- Never push in my chair
- Mumble
- Try to make her guess things instead of just telling her
3. Self improvement doesn't stop when you get married.
Sometimes I have to say to myself, "Hey fatty! Put down the twinkie, get off your butt and get back in shape." If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your wife because she has to look at you, hug you and kiss you. If there are things you do that bug your spouse, then stop doing them! I have a list of things that I know bother Brooke so I am working on them. I stay in shape for Brooke. I try to eat healthy for Brooke. I want to be around as long as I can for Brooke. Women live longer than men so I know I have to stay in shape so I can live just as long as her and we can die on the same day with a Chick-Fil-A sandwich in one hand and a Starbucks cup in the other. We think that once marriage comes we can put on the sweatpants, sit on the couch and our spouse has to love us "through thick and thin." Stop being so thick and realize that just because someone will always love you doesn't mean you have to be the worst possible version of yourself to love. Self improvement will do more for your marriage than you realize and shouldn't stop when you say, "I do."
4. Choose not to fight.
Are you telling your kids to work out their problems with a conversation and then screaming in front of them at your spouse when something goes wrong? Are you using any excuse to go off and bring up all the other things you want to fight about? Fighting is 100% your choice, so stop choosing it. If that means you need to get out of the house and go on a run then so be it, but don't scream, don't fight, don't yell. Work through things with love and grace. Brooke and I have maybe had two really big fights in six years. Could we have had more? Absolutely, but we both know that we don't want to fight. It's not fun and nobody wins. So, we try to talk about things all the time before they turn into big fights. You know why I have those four things listed about what I need to work on? Because Brooke and I have talked about all of them and she has a list of things that bother me that she is working on. Talking before can eliminate things to fight about.
About two weeks ago we were frustrated with each other and I could tell that we weren't going to be able to talk it out right then and there because I was mad. So, I told her that I needed to go on a bike ride and clear my head. So I got on my bike, listened to a sermon and 30 minutes later I was home and had totally let go of what I wanted to fight about. Brooke didn't make me stick around so we could fight. She knew what I needed to avoid a fight and let me go and do it. Guess what? It worked! Whenever you can, choose not to fight, because when a husband and wife fight, no one wins.
5. Give and receive alone time.
I am with Brooke 99% of the time and I love it. We work together so we are around each other most of every single day. It's awesome. But sometimes I need some T.J. time and Brooke needs some Brooke time. It's important to be alone, even Jesus spent time alone. I will go to the movies by myself from time to time or stay home and play video games while Brooke goes out with June. Brooke will go thrifting or shopping while I stay home with June. We need to give our spouse their own space at times to help them re-set and come back re-freshed and ready to love us even better than before. You also have to be able to receive alone time without feeling guilty for taking it. Say thank you when it is given and appreciate it!
6. The little things really matter.
Wash the dishes, do the laundry, pick up the living room, clean the windows, sweep the porch. Am I listing chores? Absolutely! Husbands if you do these things for your wife without asking she will love you well and you might even get lucky tonight. Do I need to say anymore? But seriously, do chores because you want to show your husband or wife you love them!
7. Public praise is awesome
If you follow me on any social media or have ever been around me you will quickly find out something about me. I FREAKING LOVE BROOKE MOUSETIS! I want to scream it every single way I can because I want everyone, including Brooke to know! We love when people tell us they love us and we love it when people tell others they love us. So, let's do it! Just like I use every way I can to tell people about the love of Jesus I will use every single way to tell people I love my wife. That makes her feel loved and it would probably make your spouse feel loved. I love when I see husbands or wives post about their spouse on social media. It's so sweet and loving and awesome. So do it more. Take a break from this post right now and post a photo of your spouse to Instagram and tell them why you love them so much! Tag me in it so I can feel awesome about your love for each other!
And if you aren't a social media person there are still plenty of ways to publicly praise your spouse. When ever I have a conversation with someone and they are dogging on their wife or husband I try to turn the conversation around. I usually ask, "Well, what do you love about them?" That way the person is forced to publicly praise and acknowledge what they love about their spouse.
8. Be honest
This is sometimes the hardest thing to do. It's hard to be honest and loving at times but it is so needed for a healthy, flourishing marriage. If I am being an unloving jerk face moron I need Brooke to tell me. If Brooke is being a butt face jones then I need to tell her. Sometimes those conversations are hard but after they happen we are ALWAYS in a better place. Staying quiet in your marriage and letting things fester is like rust on metal. It will only get worse and slowly destroy and erode what's there. We must must must use our words with love and talk about the hard things with our spouse. Honesty shouldn't just be the best policy it should be the only policy when it comes to wedded bliss!
9. Love Favors
I invited "love favors" in our first year of marriage and it might be the greatest idea I have ever had.
Here are the simple rules to love favors:
1. You each have one love favor a day and they do not transfer.
2. When you ask for your love favor you can ask for anything.
3. Your spouse has to say, "yes" and they have to do what you ask right away.
Brooke and I have asked anything from getting a drink from the fridge to running all the way to the grocery store. Sometimes we both use ours in a day and sometimes we don't. But as we've used "love favors" over the years we've started to notice something. It's created a "Yes and act" mentality to our marriage. We now just say yes to each other more and more through out the day because of love favors and we don't just say yes, but we act! Sometimes the simplest things can have the most profound effect on us and that's what love favors did to our marriage.
10. End with Jesus
This is my favorite phrase in the world. I think we can start anywhere in life and we can end with Jesus. Your marriage is the same way. You two might have started off rocking, volatile and intense but even you, with open hearts, can navigate rough waters and end with the loving grace of Jesus. We should always be pushing to being more like our loving Savior. I, as a husband, will be the best husband when I walk hand in hand with Jesus. Brooke, as a wife, is the same way. We are only able to love each other with an intense, amazing love because we have loved and been loved by the most amazing love through Jesus. The only fairy tale part of our marriage is that Jesus stepped into our lives and saved them. He can do the same to you and He will lead you to being the best husband or wife you could ever be.
Those are 10 tips to a better marriage. They will not always be easy but they will be worth it because having a good marriage is totally worth doing whatever you can. We must constantly choose to think of our spouse with love and grace. We must not become bitter, jealous or angry. We must clothe ourselves with love so that we respond to things appropriately and accurately!
We must realize that marriage will be rough at times but we can limit those rough times by not being foolish with our actions and words. We can choose joy over frustration, passion over apathy, excitement over grumpiness, love over hate and our spouse over ourself.
A Very Important Conversation!
Dad's Birth Story : All The Lessons My Wife Taught Me
I know that a lot of moms share their birth story, but dads are a part of it too, so I thought I would share my perspective on the most amazing, wild and craziest day of my life!
June was 10 days late. We were ready for her arrival in a big way.
But let me start the story 24 hours before she entered into this world. It was a cold February night and I was at youth group. In the packet that they hand out during small group time there was an activity that said, "Set up chairs in an obstacle course and have races over them." So we did exactly that. We raced, laughed and carried on like boys do. Our last race ended in a tie, and well, we had no choice - "we had to do a tie breaker." That line is in quotes because it has been repeated over and over again by our small group due to the events that followed. During the tie-breaker I jumped over a chair, like I had three times before, but this time I landed funny and BOOM - high ankle sprain. It was bad. Like, why is there a softball growing under my skin bad. Youth group ended and as I hobbled out into the bitter cold parking lot, I called my beautiful 10-day-late wife Brooke and lied to her. Flat out lied.
I said, "Hey babe. So... we were playing this game at youth group and I hurt my ankle. It looks a lot worse than it is, but it doesn't hurt too bad! I'll be home soon. Bye, I love you!"
For 12 painful minutes, I gassed and clutched my car all the way home, all while thinking how foolish I had been to get injured so close to my daughter's birth. I got home and Brooke was upstairs in our bedroom, so I hobbled to the kitchen to get some ice and walked as confidently as I could up the stairs without wincing. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, I see Brooke...having mild contractions. I sat on the edge of the bed as she looked and gasped at my injury and I assured her again that it looked worse then it felt. So I iced, we talked, watched a little TV and I fell asleep around midnight.
Four hours later, around 4:30am, I felt the sweetest tap on my shoulder and through squinted eyes I turned to see Brooke smiling at me and saying, "Hey, my water just broke. So..I think we should call Sherry (our doula) and go to the hospital."
I know I married-up when Brooke said, "Yes" to me almost 8 years ago. And I will forever be thankful for that moment, but it's moments like the morning of our daughter's birth that make me realize how true it is. Here is my 10-day-late-wife, calmly and quietly waking me up from sleep only minutes after her water broke. She is the ultimate calm and steady presence in my life and even through the craziness that is labor and delivery she was still her calm and steady self. In the stormy waves of life, my wife is the anchor that keeps our family calm, peaceful and safe.
I have never been more instantly awake in my life. My head started racing, "Oh My Word! My daughter is coming! June is coming! We get to meet her! Ahhhhhhh!!!" Then I got out of bed and my thoughts went to "!@()%R&U$@G#@%*($THGADNJ$U(%@*%@R!!!!!! What is happening to my ankle? Am I dying?!?!?!??!"
I was injured badly, for sure, but on the day your wife is going to give birth to you child, you can NEVER complain about pain. So, I winced, limped to the bathroom and took a really quick shower, while Brooke continued to have contractions in the bedroom and finished packing our bag.
Once I was out of the shower and ready to go I started moving carseats, bags, snacks and anything else I thought we would need to the car. My ankle was in so much pain, so at points I was literally just hopping on one foot across the street with piles of things in my arms. Anytime Brooke was near me I confidently walked on both feet so she wouldn't think it was as bad as it was.
With the car full of everything we thought we needed, we started our drive through the cold February night to the hospital. On the way we prayed, we sang worship songs, and I talked a mile a minute while Brooke breathed in and out, calm and steady like always! I realized on the way to the hospital that this would be the last car ride we would ever take as a family of two. Mind blowing.
We arrived safely at the hospital and went through the check in process - waiting rooms, triage, etc.
Between 6:00am (when we arrived at the hospital) and 8:39pm (the actual minute June arrived) time didn't exist to me. There was nothing to do besides be in that moment with the love of my life as she labored and worked. Brooke decided early on to do the "all natural birth thing", so she had been training for this moment for months. It truly was the most amazing thing I have ever, or will ever, see in my life. Childbirth takes more guts, courage and hardwork than anything I have ever watched - and that's not exclusive to natural childbirth. I have told people since June's arrival, and I will continue to tell people until the day I die, that a man could not do it. Not just because of our parts, but because of the type of strength it takes. The type of strength that is found only in a woman's will, a woman's courage and a woman's care.
Brooke labored while Sherry and I coached her. At times Brooke needed the coaching from her coach, Sherry, and at times she needed love from her husband, me. And isn't that so true for all of life? Sometimes we need to be told how it is from a boss, teacher, pastor or coach. And sometimes we need heaping piles of grace, love and a simple touch from the ones we love the most. It was in those blurry hours that I was realized that what Brooke was desiring during labor is what we, as people, are always desiring. We desire coaching, correction and doing the right thing - all while wanting grace to help carry us through those hard times. We all desire Jesus and even in Brooke's most difficult moments, I was learning that.
During those hours and hours of labor Brooke kept repeating, "I can do this. I can do this." Over and over again. She has no memory of saying that at all, but Sherry and I remember. Over and over again my strong-willed, amazing wife stayed confident in her mission to bring our little girl into this world. And again, life lesson number two here, we all need to stay confident of what we are called to do even in the most difficult moments. It would have been so easy for Brooke to say she couldn't do it and lose hope. But she didn't! She stayed confident even in difficulty and that was so inspiring. It's so easy to quit. But hard to push through in life and anytime I get frustrated or discouraged I just think of Brooke in those moments saying, "I can do this. I can do this."
Around 7:00-7:30pm, I all of a sudden remembered that my ankle was in pain and looked down to see that I no longer had a defined ankle area. My leg went straight from calf to foot and the swelling was starting to "ooze" over my shoe. It was gross. I needed to get off my feet for awhile, so I asked Sherry to sit by Brooke as I sat and iced my ankle for 20 minutes or so. Brooke has no memory of this either, which is good. I knew that what she was going through was harder and more painful than my ankle sprain could ever be, but that didn't mean that I wasn't having pain. I think sometimes we try to tell people that they can't complain because "people are dying in other countries" or because "my story is so much worse." But if it's real, pain is pain no matter what someone else is going through. We can be so insensitive sometimes declaring that because our pain is "worse", yours doesn't count. Even after June was safely here, Brooke was so concerned with my ankle because, even in pain and suffering, real, honest love cares more for others than for self.
Side note: Here is a photo of my ankle the morning after June was born, just so you can get a perspective of how bad it was (sorry it's gross). In case you were wondering I hurt the one on the right.
Back to the story - after 20 minutes of icing my ankle, I got back up and was right by Brooke's side. Coaching, kissing, whispering, singing and tell her anything she needed to hear. She has thanked me many times for my encouragement during labor. Encouraging words are so powerful and I have tried to use them more and more, at all times, in my life. Labor taught me how powerful our words really are and I hope to practice what I've learned for all of life. If we can encourage someone, why wouldn't we?
And then after 15+ hours Brooke started to push little June into this world. A woman pushing a baby out is like, in the "elegant" words of my brother-in-law, "the wild west". There can be screaming, crying, cheering, encouraging, sweat, tears, blood, fluids and just about everything else. If there was a venn diagram to describe labor it would be that small intersection where amazing, crazy, kind-of-gross and love, all meet in the middle.
It's raw and beautiful and almost unbelievable. But my wife did it and I have never been so proud of a human being in my entire life. I was crying and smiling and laughing and kissing and loving and amazed, and did I mention crying?, when little June made her first appearance into the world. She was slimy, and small and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
...and that was just the beginning....
Tomorrow my daughter will be seven months old! It's been the best seven months of my life, which all started with wildness, rawness and love. In these past seven months, I have seen the amazing things of life unfold right before my eyes. I have watched a little slimy infant grow, develop and learn. I can already see her personality, which thankfully is a lot more like her Moms than her Dads. I've watched her laugh, cry, giggle and scream! I've watched her discover her love of water, being outside and anything that makes noise. I've watched her jump for hours, seriously so many hours, in her jumper and put almost everything in her mouth that's within her tiny arm's reach. It's amazing.
But that is not even the most amazing part of these last seven months.
The most amazing part is Brooke. The strong and steady force in our family. The woman who is peaceful through the storm and calm amongst life's crashing waves. The woman who is the silent kind of strong and the deep kind of beautiful. I thought I knew Brooke pretty well before we were parents, but as we walk hand in hand through parenthood I have seen layer upon layer of her kind soul peeled back and am amazed at the beauty I see. As a husband, I think it would be easy to just see the dirty diapers, middle of the night feedings and a crying baby, but we should really strive to shift our focus to what our wives become when they enter motherhood. They become even more than we could have ever imagined in the most life-giving way.
Being June's Dad is totally awesome and one of my favorite things, but being a husband is even better, especially to a great mom. May I always remember what Brooke had to go through, both with the actual labor and what followed, to get to this point in life and all the lessons it taught me. Labor and delivery is beautiful, chaotic and incredibly real. My hope is that my whole life and the way I love will be a reflection of just that - beauty in chaos.
Brooke and June. The loves of my life.